You never know what goes on in the minds of your children even if you have a close relationship with them.  I talk to my kids all the time about everything … so I thought.  It wasn’t until my daughter came to me with an assignment in which she had to write a memoir, that I realized her true feelings about her dad being incarcerated. I’ve asked her how she feels and she always tells me she’s ok with it but it didn’t really seem to bother her. When I read her memoir and studied her drawing that went along with her memoir Hello from the Other Side: A Daughter’s Memoir, I couldn’t believe the volumes it spoke!  I admired her for being strong and sharing that part of her life because some children, and family for that matter, don’t speak about a parent being incarcerated out of shame or fear of being teased/judged.  Not only did my daughter share her story, but my son chose to write about his feelings for an assignment he had to do as well.  In it, I learned that he was angry about the situation which he has shared with me before.  It seemed to affect him more than my daughter.  But I never knew it was my daughter that helped him to accept the situation better.  He had actually experienced a child picking at him about his dad being locked up but it was his sister that shared how she gets through it with him.  He thought that the way she handled it was amazing and it made him not be so angry about it anymore.  I am so proud of the both of them for living their truth.  I left the decision up to them as to if they wanted to share it or not.  I think the older they’ve gotten the more comfortable they are with sharing which in turn has helped me.  I don’t have to be secretive and in protective mode since they’re more open about it.  It’s even been a struggle of mine to be transparent with everyone out of being judged by adults for my decision to marry my husband while he’s incarcerated Inmate to You, Husband to Me.

Unfortunately, a lot of children have parents that are incarcerated and don’t know how to cope with the situation. There is a growing number of children that live with the stigma of a parent being in jail/prison.  When looking at justice reform, rebuilding family bonds should definitely be a part of the rehabilitation process.

One Less Thought …

Real Wife